Thank you for all the kind words, emails, and texts since my last post. I do hope to be more specific in the months to come, but for now, keep holding me in your thoughts as 2014 comes to a close. I am not certain I’m ready for all the changes 2015 will bring for me.
I’m realizing we had family photos done almost 2 months ago, and I never shared here. I’m sharing a few of my kids for you to see.
It’s so crazy seeing them grow older and change with every passing month. This feeling that time escapes me is something I am getting used to, and it’s something I want to focus on countering in the coming year. I feel like I’ve missed so much with them these past few weeks as I focus on other things. It’s a heaviness that I only feel in retrospect. … Realizing I was not listening to that conversation or question Jude asked me because my mind was elsewhere. Knowing I didn’t hold Norah as closely and as long as I could have because I was ready to move on to the next task on my list. Just the sting of realizing after the moment has passed that you have not been present for it as it deserved. That has happened far too much lately.
And these two? Of all the gifts I have received, the lessons learned, the grace I’ve been rewarded – they are the thing I am most grateful for. In all my life. I sometimes think that absolutely anything – any pain or sacrifice – is worth the reward of knowing and guiding these two. I hope I can treat that role with as much respect and dedication as it deserves in the coming year.