a few quick words

I’ve poured a cup of apple cider, and I’m rallying to write a quick post.  Such a sad thought that a few paragraphs at 8:30pm require so much determination, but that’s where I am lately.  On the whole, my nausea is completely gone, my belly is expanding, and I can’t complain.  But the fatigue is just hanging on a little later than last time.  Week fourteen shouldn’t feel like this it seems, but maybe that’s just part of being pregnant with a toddler.  Whatever the reason, I do miss the time I spent here.  I love looking back at old entries and seeing this as a space that really reflects my life at various moments and stages, and that just doesn’t really happen when I’m only updating twice a month or so.  I’ll get better soon though, I hope.

First of all, I am really grateful for the comments, emails, and shares on my last post.  It’s a subject that really shouldn’t be that sensitive, but it feels that way at times, so it took some extra pushing on my part to put it out there.  A number of doula and childbirth education agencies shared it on Facebook, and I’m honored to think that maybe someone read it and learned something new and now has a choice she didn’t realize she had.  I know I’ll be writing more about the VBAC issue as the months fly by and I get closer to the end of this chapter, so thanks so much for the support and reassurance that this is a safe place to share that.

On to other unrelated news with no real transition, I have begun this book after it’s been suggested to me more than once in the past few months, and it is leaving me encouraged to make so many changes around here.

I am only a couple chapters in, and I feel both inspired and convicted by so much of it. It’s not so much a “how-to” parenting book as it is a read on one’s philosophy of parenting.  For years, I saw first-hand in the classroom how kids are so driven by the busy world around them that they cannot focus and comprehend simple concepts and tasks.  The writers don’t tell you to remove the television from your home or trash all battery-operated toys, but they do make you think about the world we live in today and the ways that childhood has become abbreviated and somewhat invaded by our own seemingly uncontrollable modern world.  I’ve started to notice things about my own home: how much I rely on my smartphone, how much I have in my closet that I truly don’t need, how much junk has made its way into Jude’s toychest somehow, etc. etc.  It’s a great read, and it’s inspiring me to make some much-needed changes around here.

And I can’t help but notice that Jude just affirms the message of the book when I find him most attentive and best behaved in his own world doing his own things without some screen or organized agenda interfering.  And sometimes without pants on.

Despite all their clumsy messes and tantrums, toddlers are inspiring in their own way.  If I could focus for only one day the way he does, completely absorbed in the moment and fulfilling my task at hand, I’m pretty sure I’d finish feeling fulfilled and complete and ready for the next challenge.

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